School of One!

As I worked on my new book, The Wisdom of Your Child’s Face, I observed so many times how a child’s true nature was misperceived by parents or teachers, how their spirit was already being diminished by the lack of recognition and support for what they personally needed in order to succeed in school.

Chinese face reading shows us how unique each child is in every way, and that includes his or her learning style at school. There are actually simple, effective things that can be done to accommodate a child’s specific needs for integrating information in the best possible way for them. In my book, I have sections for teachers that give them ideas for dealing with different personality types. Things as small as where a child sits in the room, the way they’re spoken to, even how often they can get up and move around can have a surprising impact on their ability to function well in school.

That’s why I was so happy to read an article in The Atlantic Magazine about “School of One” (see link below) that offers a wonderful new way of re-thinking our educational system so that every child’s personal needs are honored without making unreasonable demands on teachers. We can change our schools from the mass-production model!

My only quibble with this idea is that they think they need a mathematical algorithm for this system! If only they knew how to read the kids’ faces! That would give them the information they need to know how each child best integrates information, relates to the teacher, their flow through the day and more. Well, maybe eventually face reading will be an additional tool to make life easier for more educators and parents!

This article is available online at: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-littlest-schoolhouse/8132/ Let’s support innovation in our schools!

No Technicians Here…

Someone contacted me recently to sign up for a workshop, saying he’d studied many systems of personality analysis and was looking forward to adding another tool to his tool belt. I envisioned him arriving at the workshop with a clipboard and measuring tape, ready to get all his charts and forms to fill out!

If you come to one of my workshops, one of the first things I’ll tell you is that I don’t train people to be technicians. I believe there are already plenty of systems out there that keep you firmly in your head and out of your heart. They give you questionnaires full of boxes to check, have you analyzing a thousand details, until you have the appropriate label to stamp someone with. Often you’re then directed to decide what’s wrong with them and how they can be fixed.

It’s not a surprise that most ways of understanding people do this because this is how our culture looks at everything in the world – we’re taught to judge – everyone and everything, in terms of good/bad, right/wrong, or at least look for some little box to put someone in and neatly tie it up with a string!

We even judge ourselves all the time; most of us have our own personal negative talk radio station blaring in our heads about what’s wrong with us nonstop throughout the day. We judge others, which often results in separating us further from them rather than bringing us closer. We see someone’s behavior as wrong, and this allows us to blame them rather than really understand why they acted as they did, or take responsibility for our part in the event. All this judgment serves to keep us locked in to our worldview, perpetuating the story we’re telling ourselves, over and over every day, about who we are, and who the other people in our lives are too.

For me, what’s important is to break out of this limited belief system, and to instead work on expanding our capacity to love. You can’t be truly present with someone if you’re stuck in your head, busy judging and labeling them. But you also can’t help them or have a healthy relationship with them if you’re being swept away by your feelings and reacting only from your emotional self. What’s necessary is to combine both heart and mind, to come to a compassionate understanding of who someone truly is, and to soften toward them in way that respects and supports their authentic nature.

So this is what I strive to do with my own work and what I’d look for in other systems of understanding human beings! Here are a few examples of statements that can alert you to a training or consultation to avoid:

• If someone promises they can teach you how to tell if someone is a bad or dishonest person. (No one is by nature bad or dishonest. Everyone has the capacity to do unkind things or to be dishonest if they’re out of balance in their lives.)

• If they use any judgmental, negative words to describe a personality type, words that have a charge to them or are not respectful, such as: sneaky, mean, stupid, unlucky, angry, domineering, smothering, uptight, etc. (No one is inherently any of these kinds of qualities, and this reveals a very limited understanding of human nature.)

• If they say they can predict when an event will happen or exactly what will happen. (The only thing we know for sure is that everything changes. Choices you make, lessons you learn, experiences you have day by day change the future course of your life, so no one can know exactly what’s to come.)

• If they give comical definitions of personality types, or offer cookie cutter or stereotypical characteristics. (These are not honoring of the human spirit, and don’t understand they myriad of ways a characteristic can manifest in someone’s personality.)

• If there is no identifiable foundation to the work. In other words, if this is a system that someone designed on their own, it will most likely be overly affected by their own personality! (This is why I love Chinese face reading so much, as it has a history of 3,000 years of research and development!)

• If the system seems overly complex or you can’t seem to get a grasp of the logic behind it. (I believe the more sophisticated a knowledge is, the more it has been developed, the simpler and more elegant it becomes.)

Don’t get me wrong – I’m an information junkie, and am always interested in learning new ways to understand myself, others, and life on this planet! But I think any knowledge that’s worthwhile will be obviously affirming and empowering, and will expand your capacity to love yourself and other people.

Botox or Not Botox?

One of the most popular cosmetic procedures out there these days is to Botox away your wrinkles. But before you erase them, it can help to understand what those wrinkles could mean! Every line, every feature on your face has a message for you that can be important.

When it comes to wrinkles, there are basically two kinds: The first forms when you’ve learned a significant life lesson and gained wisdom as a result. The second kind I call a gift, an early warning sign that you’re navigating slightly off course in life. But if you know how to read that wrinkle’s meaning, it also reveals why this has happened and how you can come back into balance.

In the first case, you’d not want to lose that wrinkle, because it’d be a sign of having also lost the lesson learned. For instance, I recently worked with a woman in her late 40’s who was curious why a horizontal line she’d had removed from her forehead 3 years ago had suddenly reappeared.

She’d had a procedure to remove the line because she thought it was making her look old. Her forehead had remained smooth for the next two years, but now the crease was back again. In face reading, there is a point on your face that represents every year of your life, and this line was at the place marking her life experience at age 23.

When I asked her what happened when she was 23 years old, she said with surprise, “Well, that was a huge year for me – I got married without waiting to really get to know my husband and it was a disaster. I really gave my power away in that situation but I always felt I learned a big lesson to never let that happen again. And for the next 20 years it never did happen again. But then two years ago, it’s hard to admit – I did it again – I dove into a marriage too quickly and am now putting my life back together after my second divorce.”

What face reading would say was that the wrinkle marked the powerful lesson she learned from her first marriage. But when she had it removed, it correlated to losing the wisdom she’d gained in that original experience. And one year later, she found herself right back in the same kind of situation.

The wrinkle had returned only as she’d completed her second divorce, a sign she’d re-learned the lesson. My advice to her was to keep and honor that line in her forehead, because as long as she had it, she’d never make that mistake again!

The second kind of wrinkle has a different meaning (the one I call an early warning sign): It forms as a result of a pattern of thoughts and emotions you have on a regular basis. Even if your doctor alters that part of your face, you’ll still keep having those same thoughts and feelings that created that mark, and so eventually it’ll come back. Your face is just a reflection of who you are inside.

But once you learn the message that wrinkle has to offer you, you can use that information to make the inner change, the only kind that’s sustainable. For instance, a woman who attended one of my workshops earlier this year recently shared with me that she was amazed to learn the meaning of the single vertical line between her eyebrows – that it related to her especially difficult childhood relationship with her father.

She realized that experience was still a negative influence in her life, and resolved to actively do some personal work on the issue. Three months later, she was astonished to discover the wrinkle had disappeared!

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard results like this, and people have even had their families accuse them of secretly getting plastic surgery because their wrinkles have disappeared! Now, the goal of my work is not about eliminating wrinkles! But when you see a line ease in this way, you know that you’ve made an important inner change that will affect much more than the appearance of your face. In fact, you’ve been able to release an old pattern that most likely was a limiting one for you, and thus you’ve changed the direction of your life.

In Chinese face reading, it’s the size and shape of the features of your face that give you the most important messages about who you are inside and what you need to be happy. But even a temporary change to your face, like a spot or a rash can have a meaning. Those kinds of marks relate to a temporary life situation, and while they’re not considered anywhere near as significant as the more permanent characteristics, sometimes they can reveal information that can really help you understand what you’re currently experiencing.

For instance, I recently worked with a woman who was curious about a small red area that had suddenly appeared in her under-eye. A few weeks later it turned almost black in color, even though it wasn’t a bruise, and after two months, hadn’t yet disappeared.

Of course any change to the skin like this should be checked by a medical professional, and her doctor had already looked at it and said it was nothing. But when it comes to Chinese face reading, I explained to her that any sign on the face can relate to three different aspects of your life situation.

First it could provide a message about her physical health; secondly, it might reveal something to do with her emotional nature; or third, it could be associated with a certain time in her life’s journey. Sometimes it’s only related to one of those things, sometimes two, and often all three.

In terms of your physical body, the under-eyes reveal the level of overall hydration, and can also reflect how well rested you are, among other things. So for instance, if your under-eyes temporarily become dark, it can mean you’re dehydrated, or haven’t been getting enough sleep.

When it comes to what the under-eyes reveal about your emotional self, marks in this part of the face have to do with what’s called “Unshed Tears.” In other words, some emotions are coming up and need to be felt; tears need to be shed. If a red color shows up in this part of the face, it means a current issue is upsetting you, and if the color is dark, it relates back to old feelings from long ago.

And lastly, the under-eyes have to do with your life experience in the decade of your 30’s. A marking here, especially a dark one, could mean that something significant that happened in that period of your life is connected with what’s occurring for you now.

This was a big “AHA” moment for this woman. She shared with me that when this mark in her under-eye first appeared two months before; it was a few days after her sister’s 26-year-old son had committed suicide. The whole family was devastated, of course, and she flew home to try to help in this terribly painful time. Trying to hold it all together so she could be there for her sister, she suppressed her own grief for the time she was there. So the red marking showing up in her under-eyes reflected the fact that she had “unshed tears.”

But it was the meaning of why the marking turned so dark that really hit home for her. In her 30’s, she and her sister had actually been pregnant at the same time. However, her own baby had died at a few months of age. So now, not only was the grief around her nephew’s death needing to be allowed, but her old sorrow at her own baby’s death was emerging again as well. She said this explained why she’d still been feeling so intensely distraught after two months – it wasn’t just the loss of her sister’s son that she needed to cry about but for the stirrings of her pain from the loss of her own son long ago, as well.

Several days later, I received an email from her. She said the tears had finally been coming and she felt it was a necessary and wonderful release. And the marking in her under-eye was starting to fade as well.

The minor changes you see on your face are a reflection of the ebbs and flows of your inner nature, your personal response to your life experiences. You can use the wisdom presented there to understand what to focus on in this period of time, and as a map to navigate life overall in a more balanced way.

I’ve been traveling and teaching nearly nonstop, and my hope of making frequent blog entries had to vanish for a while, but here I am back again! It’s hard to explain the pure delight of being home for more than a week and being able to do some REAL grocery shopping for a change! I even treated myself to a stop at an Asian grocery and got to buy bitter melon, and duck eggs, and lotus root, and – oh, I could go on and on, but suffice it say that Chinese food is my ultimate comfort food!

Someone asked me recently whether I could still read someone’s face if they’d had plastic surgery, and that’s a common question, so I thought I’d broach it here….

If someone has plastic surgery, I can still read their face, but it’s helpful to know in advance what they’ve changed, so I can read the emotional and energetic consequences of what has happened. Everything on your face has a meaning. If you alter anything about your face, you don’t just make a physical change to how you look, you also alter the meaning that feature holds for you, and this isn’t always a wise thing.

Each of us is born with a unique inner blueprint, an intentional design that is ours and ours alone. Your face reveals what that blueprint is, and how to create a life that is in alignment with whom you were meant to be. Just as a house is built based on a blueprint, it’s not always wise to make changes to it without looking at the original plans!

Often someone wants to alter their face to remove wrinkles they think are ugly. The problem is that wrinkles aren’t just as a result of aging. Many wrinkles are carved into the face as a result of repetitive patterns of emotion. Each of us has certain emotions we feel on a consistent basis, often repeatedly throughout the day. When we feel that emotion, we make an expression – sometimes it’s a tiny micro-expression, and sometimes it’s a longer-lasting expression. But each time we do this, we carve the lines associated with that expression a bit more deeply into our faces.

If you remove the wrinkle, you’re removing the external representation of that pattern of emotion. But most likely, you’ve done no inner work to change those feelings! So you keep having those same emotions with the same frequency, and the wrinkles just re-form. One woman came up to me in a workshop to point out all the deep wrinkles she had, and then told me she’d had a complete facelift 18 months before – the wrinkles had all come back in that short amount of time.

Rather than pay thousands of dollars to try to eradicate wrinkles, and then have them return, it can be very useful to learn what those wrinkles mean! This can help you become aware of the reason you developed the wrinkle. But it can also help you make new choices about what you think or feel. By learning to make these different choices, you can actually watch a wrinkle fade or even disappear. I’ve received many an amazed email from students in my workshops that they’ve done this successfully.

Some people have plastic surgery, not to erase wrinkles but to change a feature they don’t like. Too often, this isn’t because the feature is actually disfiguring, but rather because they’re afraid they won’t be attractive/lovable the way they naturally look. I often have people in my workshops saying they used to hate their nose, or mouth, or ears, etc. until they learned what they mean in Chinese face reading! Every feature reveals something powerful about who you are and what you can do in the world. When you understand their meaning, you’d never want to change them!

At the worst, making severe changes to your face is considered to possibly change your entire destiny. Our recent loss of brilliant Michael Jackson is an example of how someone can actually change their destiny by having plastic surgery. I’ve been worried for years about him because of how dramatically he’d altered his face. Especially as the changes he made to his nose disastrously shifted what his life would be like once he entered his 40’s. (One of the things the nose represents is what your life experience will be during the decade of your 40’s.) His original nose showed that this time of his life would have been one of loving connections with family and friends, relaxed enjoyment of the fruits of his success, and a sense of grounded safety in the world.

But the disfigured nose he ended up with indicated a nightmare experience in his 40’s, along with a loss of personal power, extreme vulnerability of the heart emotionally and physically, and need to withdraw from the world, for solitude due to hyper-sensitivity. I was especially worried about him at this specific time in his life because age 49-50 is represented on the face as the area from the tip of the nose down into the philtrum (groove under the nose). Because the tip of his nose was so disfigured, this would indicate a time of dangerous transition, as well as actual possibility of a heart problem, no matter what the cause. If only he could have gotten real help to restore balance in his life.

I’d encourage everyone to consider that learning to read the face you see in the mirror is a way of recognizing, loving and honoring your soul’s intent.

The first half of each year is always a busy season for me, with lots of travel. giving talks and teaching workshops.  So I haven’t had as much time for blogging about what I’m seeing in the faces around me -  much of the time it’s a choice of Twitter or nothing!  But here I am back again, because of a flurry of questions I’ve recently had in media interviews about if Chinese face reading can help us avoid aging.

So many of us tend to look in the mirror and cringe when we see wrinkles developing or changes to our faces as we grow older. This isn’t surprising since our culture has such a limited definition of beauty, and with enormous pressure to fit into narrow parameters of what’s considered attractive. And as we see signs of our aging, we’re also reminded that we’re coming closer to the end of our lives here, which can contribute to our viewing getting older with fear and resistance.

But I still find it fascinating that our culture’s reaction to aging is so extreme. What if we approached other stages of life with this mindset? What if we felt our 10-12 year old children, on the brink of adolescence, should delay puberty?  What if there were drugs and procedures, creams and potions to stop their bodies and faces from developing into this next natural stage of life?  What if we tried to prevent our babies from learning to walk, and churned out books for parents about how not to let your children look their age?  How ridiculous and horrifying that sounds!

And yet we look at the later phases of life with their associated changes as bad, to be delayed and resisted for as long as possible. But Chinese face reading reveals that many of the wrinkles and other changes to our faces at this stage are actually powerfully positive signs of the lessons we’ve learned, experiences integrated, and wisdom gained.

For instance, those lines by the corners of our eyes, that the West calls “Crow’s Feet”, are termed “Joy Lines” in Chinese face reading.  They’re the sign of someone who’s been able to keep an open heart in life, to be able to be loving with other people.  These lines develop through frequent smiling, as a genuine smile involves both the muscles around the mouth and the eyes.  These lines are often the sign of a courageous heart, that despite having been hurt in the past, this person has been strong enough to maintain their open-heartedness.  So this is a wonderful sign on your face, and certainly not one you’d want to make disappear!

Now, there are signs of aging that develop on our faces when our energy becomes out of balance in life, due to our falling into patterns of negative emotions, such as pessimism, anger or sadness. Our faces are just reflections of who we are inside, the history of our reactions to our life experiences, our choices about how we feel, and our expectations about the future.

For instance, by middle age, it’s not uncommon for a person’s mouth to be turned down, or with lips held very tightly, or even with vertical wrinkles above their upper lip. This can be a reflection of how stressed they are overall, and frequently it also shows they’re holding on to the disappointments they’ve had in their lives, and carrying a more negative attitude as a result.

They may have had a truly difficult time, had important hopes and expectations go unfulfilled. But by developing a pattern of negativity, they’re almost ensuring these experiences will continue. One of the many things our mouths represent is how well satisfied we feel and how receptive we are to other people and life in general. A turned-down mouth or tight lips basically gives the message, “I’ve been disappointed so many times in the past, and I’m sure I’ll be disappointed again.” And the universe will certainly comply!

This certainly is a sign of the kind of aging that we want to avoid. One thing I suggest is to occasionally become aware of how you’re holding your mouth as you go through the day, much like you check your rearview mirror as you drive. If you become aware of tension there, or feel your mouth turning down, consciously relax your lips, and create a small smile. You’ll be amazed at the impact a simple practice like this can have on changing subtle but longstanding patterns of emotion, thought and even behavior.

There was a recent study of women identical twins’ faces, to see how environmental and lifestyle factors affected aging. Since twins are genetically programmed to age the same way, then any differences in how they aged could be attributed to external factors. They found that things like smoking and sun exposure did age people faster. But they also discovered that the twins who’d experienced more emotional stress aged faster, and those who had struggled with depression did so as well. And as I gazed at these photographs, I saw so much more information presented on their faces. In many cases, the twin who had aged faster had a face that showed she was holding on to anger or hurt, was seeing life through a negative filter, so stuck in her belief system, she seemed barely still open to receive, or give love.

So, how to avoid signs of aging on your face? Many of the signs that develop are wonderful indications of the depth of your own personal growth, and heroic journey through life – and no one should want to avoid those.   And the others are ones I consider  gifts – early warning signs, if you know how to read them, that you’ve navigated slightly off course, and how to come back into balance.

And just because our culture hasn’t yet embraced aging in this way, I believe we’re poised for change. I think we’re moving beyond many old mindsets now, about to experience a shift into celebrating aging as another powerful stage of being.  I’ll see you there, Joy Lines intact!

We all unconsciously read and react to faces, and this impacts all aspects of our everyday lives. For instance, when it comes to politics – Even scientific research reveals that voters’ reaction to politicians’ faces significantly affects their chances. In one study, volunteers were shown images of candidate’s faces in past, low-profile races, and were able to choose the winner 67 percent of the time, solely based on the candidates’ appearance. In another study, it was found that it’s the politician with the strongest jaw who will always win the election.

So what in Barack Obama’s face might have contributed to his success? Here is what Chinese Face Reading has to say:

1 – His ears stick out. This reveals a highly independent nature, not always doing what he’s told.

2 – His eyebrows are straight lines. This means he evaluates carefully before making a decision, has a very logical and practical thought process, and can have a laser-like vision for the future. (As opposed to Michelle Obama’s eyebrows, which reveal a different decision-making style!)

3 – His hairline is straight. This indicates a rebellious streak, a bit of a rule breaker, and potential paradigm-shifter.

4 – His jaw is well-defined but a bit narrow. This reveals strong values, firm integrity, and yet he’s not too stuck in his own belief system. It means he is flexible, will listen to others and change his mind if merited.

5 – He has a mole near his nose in an important place that shows he has a powerful purpose in life, and a strong need to be authentic, which other people will sense and trust him even more.

6 – Obama’s face matches his message. If there were three words that Chinese face reading would glean from his face about his overall ‘theme’ as a person, they would be: “hope, optimism, and change.” Sound familiar?

Let’s start out with two things – first, something fun, and then move on to what put me on my soapbox today!

Did you know that redheads have more sex?!  It’s true – there was a study by a scientist in Hamburg, Germany that found: “The sex lives of women with red hair were clearly more active than those with other hair color, with more partners and having sex more often than the average.”

This is actually validated by Chinese face reading.  People with red hair are considered to be naturally more flirtatious than others!  But it’s not necessarily with sexual intent. They’ll tend to flirt with men, women, kids, pets, flowers, birds in trees!  It’s not about sex, it’s about the pure delight of connecting, exchanging a little spark with another being.  But because they do it so much, they’re more likely to end up having more sexual encounters!

Now, before the office redhead gets pegged as the office sexpot, let me hasten to say that you can’t single out just one aspect of someone’s face and know everything there is to know about them.  In fact, other features can diminish the influence of her red hair.  Her flirtatiousness could be modified by a strong reserve shown in deep-set eyes, for instance.  So, face reading is about how her features together reveal the unique choreography of her inner dance.

And yes, as some of you have noticed, I have red hair (that’s not me on the cover of my book)!  And I have to admit my son has rolled his eyes more than once as I run up to compliment a tree on the wonderful job it’s done with its blossoms!  As for any other kinds of encounters – no comment!

OK, now on to my soapbox.  Let me explain what put me there.

Some people ask me if I ever get overwhelmed by being able to read people’s faces, seeing who they really are written so clearly in their features.  I know what the thought behind the question is – ‘You must see awful things – negative thoughts, secrets you don’t want to know, problems they’re trying to conceal!’

And often people are nervous meeting me, thinking I can see everything that’s wrong with them.  But this isn’t how it is at all.  I think you are flat-out gorgeous.

I don’t see things that are “wrong” with you. What I see is your vital spirit expressed in your own unique design, and your heroic journey through life so far.  I see the challenges you’ve had, the decisions you’ve made, the lessons you’ve learned and how that has all shaped you to be the person you are in this present moment.  And I see the person you have the potential to become.  It never fails to take my breath away.

If only you knew how gorgeous you really are.

I work with all different kinds of people, many of whom are so used to looking in the mirror and cringing.  This includes a lot of baby boomer generation women  – women who have shattered the ceiling for the women following behind them, who have done amazing work to successfully changing our culture forever.

When they were young, women were supposed to wear girdles and dresses, never to work outside of the home, and have no ambition aside from making sure they got married and had children.  If a woman did have to work outside the home, there were only certain jobs she could get.  There were many careers a woman could never hope to work in because there was no chance she’d be hired.

But these enlightened women were the reason the world has changed. They refused to abide by these limitations. They refused to dress the way they were told, or stay in the only professions open to women.  It often took great courage to stand up for what they knew was right. They received enormous abuse and ridicule in many cases, if not outright aggression from others. Many people today have forgotten what women endured just over the past few decades so that they and their daughters and sons could have the lives they do today.

So why in the world was I recently sitting across from an accomplished, aware, powerful woman from this Baby Boomer generation, who had just gotten her third round of plastic surgery to remove more wrinkles from her face because “well, women are expected to do this in our culture, and I’m afraid I’d lose friends and business if I didn’t.”

So I guess the work isn’t quite done.  Now, I don’t mean I think everyone who’s had plastic surgery has been wrong to do so.  I have no place judging anyone for their choices.  But I worry about those people who feel pressured to change their faces because of what other people think of them.  At the base of that decision is the fear you won’t be loved if you don’t become what ‘they’ want you to be.

One way I can help is to let you know that there is a meaning to every feature, every wrinkle on your face.  That big nose – if only you knew how important it’s been to what you’ve already achieved in life and why you need to keep it unchanged for the future!  And there are some wrinkles that mean you’ve accomplished something wonderful or learned an important lesson! Erase one of those, and you’ve suffered a loss.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if everyone knew this!  So instead of feeling enormous pressure to change, we could shine just as we are.  Instead of judging another face as good or bad, we could look with love and acceptance at any face we encounter.  I heard actress Charlize Theron say once that she believes our faces are like our family photo albums – we’d never want to throw away a photo – why would we want to get rid of proof of the life we’ve experienced, lessons learned, wisdom gained?

How would it be to be seen for who you really are and still be loved?  To be loved because of what’s written on your face, not despite it.

So part of my intention is to use this profound knowledge about faces to start a new conversation about beauty in our culture.  If someone knows what the language of their face is saying, they’d be much less likely to feel the need to change it!  So, let’s continue the journey started generations ago, and open to even more expansive possibilities for what true beauty really is.  Hello, Gorgeous.